Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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$ P' O  y1 a. H$ v- y$ ?# _2 gBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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3 l( W6 k9 E( g% c, OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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) c" ?6 u. o8 zSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

5 c+ M) V2 p' _; D: U+ sMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 p9 U( i7 Z7 J5 v: T7 ~9 JCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

2 b+ H: q! x4 [: [. b0 y7 EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

3 i; S8 t  a2 [% W& b' V( lPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ z7 A" A' @, c% A% @- V5 MWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
! t: {& ~/ `+ J! i7 P  xWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 P# ]* u3 m% l  d( @' gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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. y" L* f/ z# ?( X* w8 tPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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' n5 e& o9 f( z) o  u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵