Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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! C: k2 K- a& s( VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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4 V- [6 C$ S0 W2 M) kBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 V- y  {. |7 u2 B2 X1 L: rVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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* k# D) Z0 ]8 f7 J. L4 y. r) N! jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

- s: ?+ H" p0 O6 g: R' @" eSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 R% u& Z7 t/ R8 C/ O3 ECASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

+ ^3 c  D! l2 G5 [; _/ IYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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3 M. w' V, B( `  F6 YINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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- j/ S5 q$ c( \; t4 q+ p2 mIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
! n" x: l' d4 K% u! \/ }8 KBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: I3 y) `6 r& D4 g: \+ BBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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% R3 Q; X' f3 [9 w$ h/ _What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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& O" A- W, N* d8 e6 Y. bPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵