Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
' E1 J  B- l+ K% |- Y& W> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
+ R" ?/ N5 H2 y# H. B6 }' R( d> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 f( g! m7 F" s/ O>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
) d: Z$ z0 U5 _  a9 E8 j> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
& E6 e: A  n1 Z% P5 V>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
0 Z$ h( c0 W: }' y0 k6 h& @> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
5 O3 d. U3 p% W6 U5 w/ T2 b> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
! a% i" g  y& Q! ~5 ^4 n6 f> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
' k* b" U5 i0 g2 K2 w( d> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
* p; f3 M" G6 A6 a( }; j9 W> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
5 v: [- {+ Z; H3 i+ j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
, T# w  }7 o, W! E  A0 E# V! O> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
) u% Q9 f+ v, ^1 M8 @: w! r; n0 e> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
; j3 y) P% `2 F> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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4 t2 I; q3 Z& b% {, @/ t* A% ?8 E> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
* f' y3 c) _& c8 S4 ^4 m  a- g* q> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
, Z* d$ ^1 T" f7 S( |; x> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
- U' H& G: f1 C5 l: a+ A" x) U> > > >you to go."
+ I% N; C- G+ b2 x0 t' R) l: }> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
) H/ h- o" y/ [/ C+ T4 N. K> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
; V; Z1 C9 ~8 m9 Z- o, @> > > >beautifully."
% b0 i! V9 o$ @  }, c> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
& @2 a( T5 }4 M0 S3 m5 }. p: Y9 e& H- M> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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4 \4 J: a. {8 T1 U> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
; A6 }8 G  T  i( ~( D+ k> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
# a, c1 J& C! m9 h: l  b> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business