请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
- N8 P2 z( i, o5 L/ |! o/ cBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 P: V' p7 M7 W) R, F  pHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 ?. |& z, w  Q3 t% ]. U              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
$ \) m6 a7 ^6 s/ I              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; O9 C* l3 m( ?; Q+ \              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% R2 b, n7 L. R1 _* U2 E, @( {; J) v             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
  K# C% S* d! x5 f: EFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
, d+ Z8 p+ I( c) V2 ]+ O; \! m5 L8 M               I am 一个人de精彩
5 a# M, P  k5 |, F; u7 J$ R               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
( C3 B6 V- N5 n' g. j7 aIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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5 ~: F, f2 \; x$ T6 I% b" Y% Q卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 v- d5 A: b' K8 L$ r! fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 q7 g9 L6 V# R9 @1 y+ j. wSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
: L+ `. i# b2 J/ U  L7 C4 u# W
' c6 y0 v4 o! V& eSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* d0 |2 F. e. T# n5 m+ U* u9 SSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
, f" g) K. [, a% PSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- d/ ?% s! R( E+ WSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
6 A# d* v9 ]4 \0 b7 OSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
4 O2 e+ B3 r3 |- M" F5 S2 |================================================
+ }, u+ f3 z9 d/ [However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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: K& n9 m* j" }3 J- l3 H8 m8 |. Lsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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/ V5 i% M) Z9 I" B/ G9 asomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？