Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
. z0 O6 J0 M  W! B# l- H" }9 I> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
: `) W& n6 ]' Z8 J5 h$ |>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
  i1 ]/ }0 k# p> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
- _/ a2 L5 G5 F% H) T9 @> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
/ k' N5 |* c$ I3 C% t% F- w6 l2 ?; F3 ~> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, w( f- |+ B6 f* S; x( E7 |> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
5 i6 O2 e$ m# e. y& Q> > > >"That's what I said!"
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& |% p/ r: x; b# w4 c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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. N5 s' @8 `& Z0 y3 j> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
( C  t/ Y" [6 s; z. A3 y" \+ R& I> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
% q  y  l3 F" B, A7 P3 E> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
$ y; z, w' j+ |" s> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
) o) A" D! c% e' F- s6 g  K2 p* `> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
# w( D  s. y: q* D. S8 Y8 v% R> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
: d$ W! O/ k6 ?: Y> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
; M8 b" q8 z2 e' ~> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
% ~. G8 x4 V) m2 g5 z( I> > > >allow
3 m+ s# c: K% @% s6 P> > > >you to go."
  U5 U: p- C5 C2 @6 ~+ g5 q> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
7 j" s6 `9 I3 _$ G> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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' Q$ H% F' b% x) a3 B0 l> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
4 u9 _; s1 [4 L7 t> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
1 u6 t0 s3 ]% J9 l( W3 i4 s> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
$ _/ S* }9 z! A% n8 s& D# z; g> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
; \( ]9 h9 N3 E! Q> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
* {( O8 b: l5 c; N6 H" P  [5 S* v> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
# \, K1 S3 K" E, H> > > >beautifully."
' e, G7 e* G3 z> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
$ z# E/ ^7 }% H+ C1 Z) C> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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; y; u! e% m- R& V- ^> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
6 q! Q# i+ x* ^0 |% ~/ V; P% u> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
* F! e# S/ L$ q> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
( y8 z4 v9 H0 a( c  Q4 H" O> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business